The Family Under Stress

How a family views a crisis can dramatically change the outcome of the family.

For the sake of this post, lets view how the death of a child can change how a family operates. A family of five suddenly loses their second child. There are two ways this could turn out. A marriage is twice as likely to divorce after the death of a child. But in my opinion (which doesn't amount to much yet) it can also greatly improve the marriage. If a family views this tragedy in a negative way, the mother and father may take to blame of blame others as to why this happened. Then they continue to suffer emotionally and they may not want to talk about it and that can drive a wedge between the mother and the father ant they may lose the closeness and intimacy they need to keep their marriage intact.

On the other hand, a family may view the loss and see what they still have and have a new appreciation for it. The mom and dad could treasure what relationships they do have and cherish them more. They look at their children in a different way. They see them as precious blessings that they might not always have.

The dynamics of a family can be completely different just based on how the family perceives and reacts to a tragedy. Believe it or not this could be a blessing.

Sexual Intimacy and Marriage

I knew that sex was very important in marriage but there are some implications that can come up that I never considered. A man is stimulated and can do his thing way faster than a girl. I don't think that comes as a surprise to anyone. If he is not considerate, this can become very frustrating to the wife. He can seem cold and uncaring and that might make her not want to be intimate with her husband. this is a problem because that's how a man feels close to his wife. If he isn't getting the opportunity to feel close to his wife, he isn't going to want to do the things that she needs him to do to feel close to him. A woman needs to feel emotionally close to her husband before she feels ready for sex. Can you see the problem? If one part of the cycle is not fulfilled then the other part is lacking which makes the first part worse and it spirals out of control. The only way to break this is for the couple to realize what is going on and do something drastic to fix it. I implied at the beginning that it is the mans fault for all of this but that isn't true. It's just one possible scenario. The woman can try being manipulative and hold sex over his head. That's probably the cruelest thing a woman could do to a man in my opinion. What I'm getting at is that sexual intimacy plays a huge role in the health of the relationship. It needs to be actively checked and monitored to keep the relationship going.

Adjusting to Marriage

This I think is going to be one of the hardest adjustments to make. I am so used to making my own decisions that only affect me (directly). Its going to be hard for me to adjust to making decisions for two and having to be more accountable and hold back on my wants. I think the hardest part though is going to be trying to build a family. I have seen how my parents did it. I like they way they did it. But I know that its not the only way to do it. And I know that my wife will have some of the same feelings that I have about her family. She will want to do it her way. We are going to have to adjust and make decisions together. I don't know how well I can do that.

Dating

I thought I had heard every dating tip and piece of advice you can think of but it turns out that I stand corrected. In the Family: A Proclamation to the World, the First Presidency has pointed out what the different roles and responsibilities of each gender are. For men  they are to provide, preside, and protect. For women they are to nurture. what was cool for me to see was how these principles apply to the dating scene. For a guy, they are supposed to provided a means to date. Whether it be money or an idea, they are supposed to make it happen. Men are also supposed to preside, which to me means plan and see that the date is carried out. They aren't supposed to sit idly by and wait for it to happen. and finally they are supposed to protect. whether it be the feelings of his date or literally protecting her, dating is a chance to show to a potential mate how well he can perform these responsibilities. Women aren't off the hook though. They are supposed to nurture. They should nurture the relationship while it is there to nurture. Now theses aren't black and white you do this I do that. It can and should be a partner deal.

Gender and Intimacy

We discussed in class the differences of being a boy and a girl and what that brings to the table. That was interesting and all but what really caught my eye was when we started talking about same sex attraction. That is a topic that has escaped my understanding... until now. I still don't know what it is like but there are things that I now know that help me understand where they are coming from and why it happens.

First of all I don't believe it is biological. There is no evidence of this and there are no studies that I am aware of that back this claim. What does make sense to me is the role that intimacy plays in all of this. 

Intimacy is defined as "close familiarity, Closeness" (Google). With that in mind, we can explore this topic. as we are growing up we learn that there is a difference between boys and girls. because of this as children we build intimate relationships with the same gender as we are. That make the opposite gender a little mysterious and appealing as we grow into puberty. Sometimes we form these intimate relationships with the opposite gender. that makes the same gender mysterious and appealing. Thus the same gender attraction is born. Today the therapy for those who no longer wish to be attracted to the same gender is learning how to build intimate friendships with those of their same gender. 

I find this theory very fascinating and would love to know what you think about it!!!

Family Diversity

This week we talked a lot about family diversity. we had some interesting discussion. One that we had was whether race and ethnicity should be taken out of the family discussion. on the one had if you take it out, you stop viewing them as a black family or a Mexican family, and start helping them as a human family. On the flip side of the coin, I feel like race and ethnicity help us understand the culture they come from and why they do what they do. What do you think?

That actually is a good transition into another topic we discussed. Is any culture better than another for raising a family? I think there is. For example, some cultures believe that if you kiss that is a marriage covenant. I think that if that was the way it was, it would seriously cut down on some promiscuity and teen pregnancy would all but disappear. I think the best society (that doesn't quite exist yet) would be a pure Zion that is run by the government of God. But like I said we are little ways away from that :)

If you have any thoughts or comments please post them below!!!

This week we were asked to map our immediate family. This was an interesting activity for me. You can't just map your family. It is constantly changing. For example, my role as the oldest brother when I was a senior in High school is a lot different than it is now. I used to see my siblings every day and they seen every decision that I made. Now they don't see me very often and the only see the accumulations of all my decisions but they still look up to me. Before I was dependent on my parents for way more things than I am now. What are some of the things that you can see that have changed in your family over the years?